My Fires
My dad was around when I was young, but never fully there. While most of his time was spent working, he additionally volunteered as a firefighter. As I entered my teenage years I began to ask him questions about this period after his own childhood and pre- fatherhood. What was he like? How did he spend his time? Who were his friends?
As I grew up I started to understand how truly generous, thoughtful and loving my dad was. He didn’t show it to me in the most obvious ways — rather than sharing thoughts, emotions and affirmation, he instead provided for me financially, always thought about my safety, and pushed me to take advantage of any and all opportunities that came my way. Amidst the challenges of growing up I don’t remember my dad ever telling me directly, “I’m proud of you”.
My entire life I have seen my father rushing off to help others in their worst moments, sometimes at the expense of spending time with me, helping me; putting out my fires. While we had a warm relationship, there has always been a barrier to fully enter into his world. However, during the Lake Christine Fire of 2018 I began to see some of my dad’s fragility and fear as he returned home after battling the spreading fire, bits of his inner world peeking through.
Through spending time together and consciously documenting my dad’s life while we make images together, my dad and I connect in a new way. These photos allow me, and my dad, to examine our history. I better understand my perspective on my father; my feelings; and have started to see him not only as my dad, but another human also making his way through this world.